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| Sunday, August 24, 2008 |
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Christian Families: Overcommitted and Overwhelmed?
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Christian Families: Overcommitted and Overwhelmed?
By April Milam MS, LPC, NCC
Lincensd Professional Counselor
Often, well intentioned Christians feel they must do it all. In addition to family, work, school, and church responsibilities, families commit to baseball, soccer, dance, gymnastics, music lessons, various committees, and the PTA all at the same time.
Please do not mistake me for saying that these activities are bad. Nor is wanting your family to have positive and varied experiences somehow wrong. However, where trouble begins for Christians is in sacrificing what is truly important in the name of creating the perception of well rounded, fulfilled families.
Overcommittment is a budding epidemic in our society. It is problematic for adults and children as it can lead to families becoming disconnected and individuals becoming discontented, disillusioned, and even depressed.
As Christians, we know how important spiritual and relational connection is for our wellbeing. Yet, these are often areas that suffer when we over commit ourselves. Time for prayer and spiritual disciplines gives way to much needed sleep. We give up quantity time with the kids and hope to give them quality time instead.
Also, as Christians we can even become overcommitted at church. Service is wonderful for your church, your community, and your heart and soul. However, you can try to do too much making service a burden to your body, mind, and spirit.
So, how do you know if your family is overcommitted?
One way to determine if overcommittment is affecting you or your family is to make a list of your priorities. Then, ask yourself if others would name your priorities as you have listed them. We often say that things are a priority but it is not always evident in our division of time and effort.
Next, talk to your family and find out what members would change about how their time is spent if they were free to do so. This will show you where needs and desires are going unmet.
If you find that your family is overcommitted, start to remedy the situation by simplifying things. First, give yourself a break. This is a common problem and it does not mean you are a bad person or parent. Often overcommitted people are extremely conscientious and loving.
Look at what commitments can be let go. Give choices about activities in which your kids can continue to be involved. “You can do this, or that, but not both” is a phrase to use to help your children make choices. You can also use a variation of this phrase when you are responding to the PTA president who nominated you to head up the sock-hop and the library fundraiser.
Most importantly, find ways to reconnect to God, your family, and yourself. Take time to pray and be still and know that He is God. Spend time is His word. Choose activities that bring you together as a family rather than those that have you all going different directions. For example, have family devotionals, look for service opportunities that can be done as a family thus giving you a chance to bond while serving others and your church, and eat at the table together and talk about your day.
Lastly, keep what is most important to you in mind as you choose what commitments you will and will not make in the future.
April Milam is a licensed professional counselor and owner of Hope Holisitic Counseling and Wellness, LLC. She can be contacted via phone at 205-515-5834 or email hopehcw@yahoo.com |
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